I miss you. I miss you more and more every day and have been unable to focus on much other than my sadness over your death lately. Did you know it has been 44 weeks now? Of course you do, you have been able to count to 100 since before Kindergarten even started. I stopped counting after a few months went by, it wasn’t helping me much but not knowing started to bother me. We are coming up on that one year mark where your story ended and a new chapter in our lives began. I have to say bud, it really really sucks without you. We have been blessed with so much kindness and love over the past year but I would trade it all for having you back.
Things never appeared to be perfect before you left, winning the lottery so that we could spend more time together was always a wish that never came true. When I take a moment to look back at it all, it was all perfect. All the struggles we faced together was worth it because we were together. Having you sit in my lap and show me Minecraft videos or playing some Disney Infinity together was great. I am happy I get to do that with your sister now, but we all know that she would rather be playing with you. She misses you so much, she is even finally admitting when her eyes get wet sometimes or throws a tantrum it is because she misses you. We all do buddy. Mommy sure could use a good Xander dream. The time we have been apart has slowly started to fade how one of your hugs feel, or holding hands while walking through the store, or the sound of you laughing. She could sure use a refresher in a dream…maybe you could pop over to my dream afterwards. Just remember I get up earlier than she does when I have to go to work so no dilly dallying Mister.
Life has gone on without you though as hard as we try to fight it. Seasons have changed almost full circle, most holidays have past except for Easter which is coming up very fast. Not looking forward to that at all without you. We will still be taking Kali on an egg hunt but we wont be celebrating. We just cant find much celebration in anything anymore. But part of keeping you is to celebrate the time we were able to spend with you in our lives and cherish that. Some days it is hard to get out of bed still, but seeing your sister smile or telling us about a dream of hers that you visited gives us the push to keep going on.
We love you Xander. Always and Forever. Until the end of time.
** May 7th, 2015 Xandar was rushed Mercy hospital due to a fatal asthma attack. Only being 6 years old he was life flighted to Rainbow Babies and Children’s hospital in Cleveland, Ohio and placed on life support in ICU. Xandar’s story quickly spread around the country. Love and support poured in for Jeff and his family. Late May 9th, 2015 this family had to make the hardest decision any parents should ever have to make, to let their son go. Just hours before Mother’s Day their son was pulled from life support and sent home to be with the Lord. **
Jeff is a dear friend and a member of our community. If you would like to send him well wishes for him and his daughter, leave a comment and he will be sure to see it 🙂